I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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