I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
