Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
MIDGETS
????
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
