i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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