is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
