The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
