A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
