I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
