If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
