Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize