Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
