You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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