I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
