Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
