I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize