you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
