I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
