Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
