I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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