Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
