Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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