his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
