every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
