Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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