i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
