I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
