I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
