Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
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