I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
