So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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