halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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