That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize