I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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