I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
