dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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