I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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