Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
