I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
