my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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