Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
