then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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