Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
