can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
