do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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