you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
