I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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