my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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