I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
