I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
