when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
