I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
