gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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