I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize