He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
