I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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