Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
