can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize