He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
