I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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