He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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