Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
