remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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