Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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