Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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