That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
