We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize