oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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