suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
