You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
