i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
As shirtless as possible
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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