Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
