Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize