ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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