He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
