there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
