Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
