We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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