Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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