let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
