Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
