non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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