My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
