Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
