please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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