I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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