got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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