So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
