The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
