i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
even my farts smell like vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
