I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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