I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
