I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
