return my video game
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
