im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
