Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
