She announced her abortion via fbk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
