I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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