so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
