Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
