Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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