Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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